Beautiful Disaster

Love.
Bewitching and treacherous.
I didn’t want to feel her anymore,
So I broke my own heart,
Just to be free of her.

I was afraid.
Yes.
I felt the fear creeping up along my skin.
The familiar, skeletal hand of loneliness,
Tracing the veins of my empty heart.
Squeezing it every time I thought about
Loving someone again.

I tried to push people away.
And my depression pushed harder.

I stared at myself for a long while.
Memorized every feature of my face,
Immortalizing my misery in pictures.
Dissociating and dissecting
The sadness of my eyes.

I used to be alive.
Once.

Until you came.

Past events whizzed through my mind.
The mistakes I had made,
The love I’d had.
It all played like a horror movie before me,
And I couldn’t look away.

The fear of falling,
Took hold of me again
And I felt like a tiny pebble
Rolling down the side of a cliff,
With no end in sight.

I pressed my nails into the palms
Of my hands until half-moon
Shapes appeared like old friends.

I trembled at the idea of love.

I almost fell back into the arms
Of despair again;
By wrapping myself in my failures
And listening to the voice of regret,
Like a song.

But I am no prisoner to my past,
So I let it burn in the palace,
It had built in my mind.

Sorrow can no longer bury me in the
Shadows.

Because you reassured me that my
Pain had to run its course,
So that I could find my way again.
So that I could live once more.

You looked at me and knew me.
Knew me in a way that no one else ever had.
Spoke my secrets to me,
Like they were coded in your blood.
Like you were my twin flame,
Crafted for me.

You would be there when the planets crashed into each other;
And the moon shattered like glass.
You would be there when the stars fell from the heavens like rain.
You would be there when
Forever dies.

So there we stood,
At the end of my shame and heartache,
Overlooking the gilded gates
Of Paradise or
Hell,
And we waited.

Hand in hand,
We waited,
For HER to swallow us whole.

Because if I’ve learned anything about
Love,
It’s that she is a
Beautiful
Disaster.
Unpredictable and arcane

And she was made for us.

~KVP
Art: Skull Heads